the long and short of it...

on wednesday, matti had a heart attack. he's 30 years old and the healthiest person i know but right now he is in the hospital hooked up to scary machines that beep and hiss and i sit beside him and tease him and make jokes to cheer him up but i'm really scared and crying inside.

on wednesday, matti and i got up. he went to jury duty, i went to work. it was a normal day. after work, i went to the driving range with pat and called matti to let him know where i was. he told me that he had stopped the trial and gone home sick around lunch. he said he was feeling really, really nauseous and had to even pull over in the car on the way home. but he said he was just lying down and not to come home. when i came home, he said he was feeling crappy but otherwise, fine. we walked chloe and went about our normal routine. we went to bed around 10:30. at 1:00am, matti woke me up and told me that we needed to go to the hospital and that his heart was beating really fast.

southlake regional hospital is only 20 minutes from our home. we got there and attempted to sign in at the emergency room. however, some drunk guy started beating up on nurses and there was a code white and security guards from all over the hospital were called in. although the waiting area wasn't excessively busy, it took us about 45 minutes just to get signed in. then matti was put in emergency.

matti's exam room is in the new room of the hospital with all the high tech gadgets and machines. our neighbour to the right was a 20 something guy who was involved in an "altercation" with police. so, buddy was shackled at the arms and legs and had a police guard at the door. he was also getting oxygen so i assumed that pepper spray was involved. a couple of exam rooms over was mr. wilson. a very, very old and fragile gentleman who seemed entirely uncomfortable. as matti and i were waiting, we heard a nurse yell to him "mr. wilson, we need to take your underwear off. we're going to stick a finger up your bum to see if there is any blood." ugh. at least matti and i had a laugh at the absurdity of our neighbours.

matti's heart rate was still really high. like 129 when it should be below 80. the drugs they were giving him weren't working. since about noon on wednesday, matti's heart rate had been constantly between 129-145. at 5am, i went and laid down in the family room. the hospital was FREEZING. at about 5:30am, the woman who was visiting mr. wilson came in and brought me a pillow. at 6am, the nurse came in and told me matti had a heart attack and that his heart muscle was damaged. i couldn't belive it. matti. my fiancé. 30 years old. works out 5 days a week and eats cottage cheese with flax seed, omega oil, and blueberries for breakfast. matti had a heart attack. wtf.

matti's heart rate still wasn't coming down. and now that we found out that he had a heart attack earlier in the day, he was upset and more stressed. they needed to take blood and get him to a chest xray and get him breakfast. so i went home, showered, walked chloe, and called my work, court, and liisa.

i went back to the hospital. matti's heart rate was still in the 120s. we joked about his breakfast and that he was probably only in the hospital for the sponge baths but i am still in shock. shortly after, liisa and jared arrived. we visited, talked, and lightened matti up. his fabulous male nurse kept popping in to check on him and make sure he was okay. his fabulous male nurse completely ignored that fact that there is only supposed to be 1 family member there. his fabulous male nurse came in to say bye at the end of his shift. kim also stopped in to visit and to let us know that she'd take care of chloe if we needed it. that was very much appreciated.

on thursday, matti had several visits with internists, cardiologists, and nurses. he was told that his chest xray was okay but they still wanted to do a ecg and angiogram on him. ecg is an echo cargio gram, like an altrasound they take of your heart to see where the oxygenated blood and deoxygenated blood is flowing. an angiogram is when they still a needle in your groin area artery and follow the artery up to the heart and release a dye to see where the damage is and if there are any blockages. apparently one has a 1 in 1000 chance of dying from this.

on thursday, at 1pm, they finally gave matti a beta blocker. for the first time in like 36 hours, matti's heart rate returned to 80.

since matti had to have lunch and get more tests down, jared and liisa took me to moxie's for lunch. it was damn good. and the place is beautiful. i just wish matti was there.

matti's parents came late thursday afternoon. i let them spend time together as a family and went home to walk chloe, eat dinner, and call my mom. since i hadn't slept yet, i'm just on total auto-pilot and wandering around in a daze and wondering why the hell bad things always happen to the best people.

my fabulous coworkers had called and left very caring messages on our voice mail. mark called and we talked and he made me laugh so when i went back to the hospital, i felt a bit better.

liisa and i spent the rest of the evening with matti watching smallville and so you think you can dance on the tv in his room which is no less than 8 feet off the ground and you have to stand on your tipetoes and use a waterbottle to change channels. liisa and i swiped towels and new sheets and new napkin-type-thing that ties in back for matti to have a fresh change of linens. his fantastic night nurse popped in several times to check his stats and to take more blood. we joked that his blood pressure would have to be lower now since they've taken so much blood.

liisa and i came home around 11:30pm and for the first time, i slept. when the phone rang this morning, i was in exactly the same position as when i went to bed. it was the hospital and matti was in getting his angiogram. when he got out, he would finally be in his own room in cardiac care and he would be able to call us. so, i'm waiting. and writing. and can't believe this is happening but it is.

thank you everyone for your calls and concern. i think matti is going to be okay. we just need to know how okay.

take care and please live life to the fullest. because you just never know.